Denim Jones, or Denny to his friends, was born “Eugene Victor Jones, Jr.” to proud parents Gertrude and Eugene Jones, Sr. The son of a carpenter and a lounge singer, young Denim Jones quickly became attached to his future namesake.
“We gave him a baby blanket I made from old pairs of jeans,” recalls his Mom. “We never thought it would have the effect it did!”
“Gertie and I always knew our little Eugene was special, right from day one. Although, if you call him anything but 'Denim' these days, you're asking for trouble!” his dad warns.
Young Denim Jones was VERY special, indeed. With his denim blanket always close at hand, he was speaking as early as ten months old. By age 1˝ he had mastered simple math skills. At age 3, his Denim Jones adventurer persona was born.
“On my third birthday, my parents gave me a tiny denim fedora,” recollects Denim, now a grown man. “I had just completed a Math and Physics competition with other children as much as five times my age, and I had a realization that my life needed to be much more than academics. I wanted to help people. I wanted to get out there and have some adventures. Of course, being only three years old at the time, my dreams exceeded my abilities... but they stuck with me.”
“I think the first time I noticed Junior... umm... I mean Denim in his adventurer outfit was when he was 5 or 6,” says Gertrude Jones. “He would put on his denim fedora and his eyes would just light up. It was like he was a different person! He would go around the neighborhood helping his friends get their kites down from trees, or digging up what he thought were 'hidden treasures' from the local park. They turned out to be petrified cat turds, but to him they were priceless gems.”
Gertrude Jones noticed something else about her phenom son -- his affinity for the opposite sex.
“Even at that young age, he seemed to have a certain charm about him. He always had one or two of the local girls swooning over him at any given time. We didn't let him date girls until much, much later, though. Eugene and I were very strict about that.”...click for top of next column.
“Because of my accelerated intellectual growth, my maturity level was accelerated as well. I had my first crush a month before my sixth birthday. Laura Skinner.” Denim sighs and smiles fondly. “My parents were very strict about who they'd allow me to see back then. I was starting university that fall and they wanted me to concentrate on my studies. I resented them at the time, but in retrospect, it was the right thing to do.”
Denim excelled at university. He had his BSc in Physics when he was 9, his Masters when he was 10 and his PhD by age 13. After he graduated magna cum laude, the university offered him a professorship. He graciously accepted, making him the world's youngest Physics professor -- for a while, anyway. Long time family friend, Sallad Shutah, remembers the day Denim was 'dethroned'.
“I was reading the paper and I saw an article which stated that Sum Yung Gai, a twelve year old Cambodian boy, had received his professorship from the Ravenwood Technical Institute. Denny was 17 at the time, and although he never outwardly expressed any sadness or resentment, I could tell a little part of him mourned his loss that day. In fact, he still refers to himself as the World's Youngest Physics Professor from time to time. Some wounds run pretty deep, I guess.”
“During my university years, before I became a professor, my adventuring took a back seat to my higher learning. I just didn't have the time. Hell, it wasn't easy... not even for a child prodigy like myself. Once I got into my teaching routine, I found I had more time for my alter ego. I placed an ad in our local phone book and the calls haven't stopped since.”
Denim Jones has had numerous adventures since then. He has thwarted a Neo-Nazi Hairhead uprising led by the sinister Igor Von Hairschlag, he saved a small village in India by recovering their precious caffeine-free Sanka stones and designing a state-of-the-art irrigation system for their crops, and he has saved numerous young women from a lifetime of virginity. He lives life day to day, romance to romance, adventure to adventure. All from the basement of his parents' house.
“His mother and I hope he'll be moving out soon,” says Eugene Jones, Sr.